Have we all had the sensation of time passing quickly, yet slowly? Have you looked back at a time in your life and thought that it seemed like it was just yesterday, yet seemed like it was such a long time ago? That contradictory sense of time has infused my life, especially over the past few years of intensive caregiving. I wrote (Recently, or has it already been a few weeks?) about how doing taxes forced a review of the previous year, which seemed to have gone by in a flash. This time, I’m thinking about how that very same year was–at the same time–a long, event-filled, life-altering epoch.
IS MARATHONING ANALOGOUS TO CAREGIVING?
I like games and play, but have never been a serious participant in sport. Possibly, my most notable achievement as an athlete was completing the Austin 10K, and that was back in 2000 (Really, was it that far back?). However, the Boston Marathon is an event that, as a lifelong Bay Stater, has been of consistent interest. After the tragedy associated with the Marathon last year, the return of this magnificent event was anticipated with more than the usual interest. Already, the 2014 marathon is ensconced in history. Last month’s marathon was a beautiful, safe, affirming event. The city of Boston and the state of Massachusetts remain Boston Strong.
How about marathoning as an analogy for long-term caregiving? Both activities suggest the expenditure of energy to the limits of physical and emotional endurance over an extended period.
However, a marathon is a discrete and largely predictable event. Runners know where they are going to run, what the course is like in terms of elevation and such, and how long it should take before it’s over. The decision to run is theirs to make and the method of preparation theirs to select and implement.
Caregivers often have little control over context. In an elder/home-care situation, will the elder or caregiver be forced to move–and what will be the timing and conditions of the move? Caregivers can’t predict the course of care that will be required. Symptoms, diagnoses, prognoses, and treatments may vary considerably over time. Caregiving can be a completely open-ended commitment. Contrary to the medical stories I’d seen on TV growing up, doctors in real life are not (usually) able to divulge how long their patients have to live, or even (sometimes) how long healing or recovery will take. The decision to care might be considered, in some ultimate sense, the caregiver’s to make. However, there’s a huge gulf between freely wanting to do something and willingly accepting the responsibility of doing something. As for preparation: there are some things that one can do to be better prepared for caregiving, but many of those steps require the not-guaranteed cooperation of the patient and other putative stakeholders.
Caregiving is somewhat, but not completely, analogous to marathoning.
IS MOM LIKE BOSTON?
How does the caregiving life elongate the passage of time? How can a circumscribed life be event-filled? How have our lives been altered by circumstances?
A summary of the past, long week might be indicative of answers to those questions.
- Monday- Mom vomits upon return from podiatrist visit–a complete surprise; she’d felt well and had even consented to a ride after seeing the doctor.
- Tuesday-Mom’s health aide discovers a new skin condition–another surprise; her other conditions had healed and she’d not felt any discomfort.
- Wednesday-Mom meets with her care manager, who’s pleased at her demeanor. Later, a middle-of-the-night surprise as Mom rings her alarm to summon help. She’d fallen into a position from which she couldn’t move, thankfully onto her bed and uninjured.
- Thursday-Mom recovers from the disturbed night.
- Friday-Mom acquiesces to the presence of a substitute health aide, as she’s had to do many times before. Later, she surprises me with complaints about the dinner I served–a little push-back on the events of the day and week, perhaps.
- Saturday-Mom surprises me by “exercising” on her own (strolling around the downstairs with her walker), calling a nephew in Poland, and trying to make her bed (dangerous, but I have to appreciate the effort).
Mom is strong, like Boston. It’s been quite a week. Where’d it go?
Boston is to strong as Mom is to resilient.
Cape Cod caregiver 